Change...and resistance..

Change is always difficult, be it in professional or personal life. If one of it is constant, it becomes easier to handle the other. But what do you do when all aspects of your life are changing at the same time... new job, new city, new lifestyle, new friends etc etc.... its like getting a complete makeover; at the end you find it difficult to recognize your own self!

Coming out of the comfort zone is something no one likes to do. Everytime I've wanted to do something different, I have seen myself procrastinating and embracing the status quo; Mainly coz of the already existing sense of security and the fear of the unknown. But luckily, in retrospect, all the dots seem to connect perfectly well and am glad I took those bold steps and embraced the change, even though I was unsure and it felt extremely difficult at that point in time. So that itself gives me a lot of confidence to plunge ahead now... and believe that change is not always bad. You never know what you are missing out in life, if you do not take that leap of faith and come out of the safety of your comfort zone. Breaking that barrier is very important... if you do not stretch beyond your comfort, you are going to be in the same place tomorrow and the next day and the next!

Someone had sent these lines to me many years back and everytime I have something drastically changing in my life, I always remember this -

"...For everything you have missed, you have gained something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something else"

It's just one of those 'not so great' days when am wondering why is happiness always relative?! You wait for something for a long time, you get it; you are happy, but the next moment you are not, coz you have just compared yourself with others....may not be consciously, but it happens and then that happiness suddenly becomes elusive....

Happiness doesnt seem to lie in what you get or have but in whether or not you have more or less than others...sigh! 'Being content with what you have' seem like just words of wisdom many a times...far beyond putting into practice...

Competition is good, healthy....but the more one learns not to compare...the better it is...I realize!

Vacation blues

Well, here I am, back from my week long holiday...it's been 4 days but I still seem to be lingering in that mood with little or no interest in getting back to my normal routine. With all the planning and anticipation of the trip and the trip itself getting over, there is a sudden drop in the excitement and a strong feeling of nostalgia which has left me longing for more.....making it really hard for me to get back to reality & the pre-vacation routines.

I miss that city, the partying, the food, the people....the sight, smell and sounds... and every moment of my time spent there! This was one of those vacations which was so "perfect" that I sometimes fear none of the future ones might even come close to it...

It's been 4-5 days now...there has been a strange funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's a weird and queasy feeling in the gut which one would get when anxious.... like just before an interview or an exam or maybe in anticipation of a good/bad news. I know its not based on a conscious thought, coz everything around me seems perfectly fine, normal, happy and peaceful. It's that strange "gut-feel" which you experience when your brain actually hasn't registered something yet but your subconscious mind is aware of it coz it's said that our subsconscious mind functions ten times faster than our conscious mind and it can pick up signals which our conscious mind has still not processed.. I am just unable to put a finger on what's causing this and it has been bothering me quite a lot....

I am pretty sure it's not just a random feeling...I really want to know what it is... I probably know it already, but waiting for my brain to register!

In pursuit of happiness...

This is one of those random thoughts I had when I found a few hours of idle time amidst my otherwise busy schedule...those few moments which are spent contemplating on life and such...

All of us have dreams/aspirations/goals in life, small or big, doesn't matter. We visualize, plan, prioritize, chase and strive hard to achieve those *objects of desire* or fulfill those dreams. I've been there, done that too. But I have noticed that whenever I reach a goal or acquire that *object of desire*, it never makes me as happy and thrilled as I had thought it would, when I started off. In short, it doesn't live up to the initial fantasies. It really makes me wonder why?! It cannot be becoz I dont want to be at that stage anymore or I dont like that *object of desire*, coz I would have put in days, months & sometimes years of effort behind it... Then, is it becoz my priorities changed during the course? I guess not, coz then I would have not pursued the goal or chased my *object of desire* till the end! So what else could it be??

I do realize that as human beings, we are never content with what we get. We always aspire for more. It's like someone wanting to buy a house all his life and when he actually does, he'll wish he owned a bigger house or a house by the sea side. What's the guarantee that the same feeling wont pop up again? There's no limit to being satiatiated....

After much contemplation, analysis, thought & discussions, one answer did satisfy me to an extent. It's always the "pursuit" which is more exciting than the "attainment" itself. "Wanting" seems to be a much stronger emotion than "Having".... the happiness actually lies in the pursuit itself and not the end point or the goal ". So when you actually attain it, you wonder Now What?! Of course there is a short period of excitement when we attain the goal, I dont deny. But very soon we are back to picking on the next goal and sailing on the same boat, striving hard all over again...

The best analogy here could be climbing a mountain. You trek all the way up for many hours to get a glimpse of that beautiful view from the peak. But the time spent there is just a few minutes....The excitement and joy is more in the journey to and from the peak...

So in short, attaining a goal or the *object of desire* is not an end by itself.... it's the journey that matters and is more enjoyable ; pursuit is where the happiness lies...

Early bird...

(Photo courtesy: Google search)

Till about a year back I used to be like a night owl, sleeping late and waking up late. It's different when you are studying in a B-school; there you dont have a choice but to make your days as long as possible. But when you get to doing the normal things in life and get set into a routine of going to work every morning, waking up early becomes inevitable.. Even then I used to wake up just an hour before leaving for office, leaving me with enough time to get ready and scoot!

My schedule completely changed once I started doing yoga in the mornings. Waking up at 6AM sharp seemed quite difficult initially, especially during monsoon & winters when you feeling like snuggling up! But now, after a year of waking up at 6 everyday, I realize that my biological clock is so well tuned that I wake up without an alarm at 6am sharp including weekends and it seems so easy and natural and feels great... Sometimes seems like a miracle, how our bodies are made up to function this way!

Why am I writing all this? Well, few people at work often ask me why I am an early riser and what I get out of it...I thought this would make a good post!

We've all heard of this famous quote since childhood days -

“Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise” - Ben Franklin

I don't know about the latter two but makes u healthy for sure!

I've derived a lot of benefits switching from being a night owl to an early riser-

• Amazing start to the day by doing yoga/exercise. Maximum amount of calorie burning happens when you exercise the first thing in the morning and also improves your metabolism. So obviously your health improves!
• Grow yourself - Quiet time for yourself to meditate, contemplate and introspect!
• Watching the sunrise feels good (Well you cant literally get to watch amidst these concrete buildings in bangalore, but u get my point? :) )
• Fresh air - which otherwise is impossible to get in a crowded city!
• Productivity increases - I sometimes keep my most important work for mornings coz the mind is fresh, concentration levels are high without many distractions
• Beat traffic - starting early means less traffic and commute time, so in turn lesser stress
• Enough time to have a heavy n healthy breakfast which is the most important meal of the day

Read this article - Tapping the power of your morning routine by Jim Citrin. He says "The quiet of the morning is often the time when your mind is at its clearest and most well-suited to solving important problems". 80% of the executives he questioned, wake up 5.30am or earlier.

So you get to grow yourself professionally, emotionally, spritually, mentally and physically!

"When someone is searching", said Siddhartha, "then it might easily happen that the only thing his eyes still see is that what he searches for, that he is unable to find anything, to let anything enter his mind, because he always thinks of nothing but the object of his search, because he has a goal, because he is obsessed by the goal. Searching means: having a goal. But finding means: being free, being open, having no goal... You, O venerable one, are perhaps indeed a searcher, because, striving for your goal, there are many things you dont see, which are directly in front of your eyes..."

Loved these lines from the book Siddhartha (by Hermann Hesse) that I am reading currently...

Learning to focus...

Been learning yoga for the past 4 months and I have always had thoughts to write about it, but the posts never made it here, for the lack of time. .... ..... .....

When you first start doing yoga, it seems to be oriented more towards the physical side but gradually you do realize that it has an equal impact on the mind; and slowly you notice that the body and mind start to function in unison...

An hour of yoga typically includes a couple of mins of deep breathing, 5-10 mins of meditation followed by a few mins of pranayam and then the asanas (postures) for the rest of the session. Though it seems like you are spending only about 15 mins on your mind and inner self, gathering thoughts and trying to focus during those initial 5-10mins of meditation is the toughest. And this is what yoga eventually does; it prepares you to sit in this state of silence and balance for a long period of time; that's the ultimate objective of practising yoga, apart from the zillion other health benefits...

It's only when you sit in silence, even for a short while do you notice how stressed your mind is! It's hard to keep your mind still. Just as you sit for meditation, turbulent thoughts flood your mind; the harder you try to gain control, the tougher it gets. It's like trying to fetch some water to drink from a muddy pond...the more you struggle to fill, the more muddy it gets. But allow it to settle down for a while and you'll see the mud settling at the bottom, leaving clean water on the surface. So let the thoughts flow in, give them the time to settle rather than chasing them and you'll soon find that desired calmness, however fleeting it may be.

It is said that finding a point of focus helps to maintain this state for a longer period.....focusing on your breathing or a mental image or chanting holy syllables (jap) verbally/mentally are some things that help. All these techniques render the mind pure, directing the energy inwards and thus helping us find that focus, inner peace and balance...

One more last thing to remember, just like the way our state of mind affects our body, the reverse is also true. Keeping your body absolutely still and physically relaxed also helps calm the mind to a great extent...

One good link that I found - http://www.how-to-meditate.org/

Shedding ego..

The Speaking Tree column in sunday's TOI carried this article on shedding ego and enjoying your present. I love reading this space in TOI, it always has something good to offer. No great philosophies... just some food for thought, which if advocated can really bring in noticeable changes within self - in personality and perceptions...

Sometimes a few lines like these is all you need to trigger a change ... .... .......


"When you operate from ego, your relationships will be affected. Ego wants to prove its point of view. The point of view is more important than truth or happiness. In that state, you demand and not command respect. If a couple demands respect from each other, then they are beggars of happiness and not givers of happiness. In the egoistic state, an argument feeds the ego. Remember no one wins an argument. You accumulate more of bitterness and at different periods of time you settle scores with the other. When you operate from the 'higher self', there is a healthy discussion. In discussion, truth is more important than who has said it. Happiness and well-being become more important than the survival of one's point of view. "

"Operate from the 'higher self'. Operate from commitment and not complaint. Let your identity not depend on others. Don't settle scores with others. Create a bliss body and not a hurt body. Learn to expand others' comfort zones and not increase discomfort zones. Learn to convert a sexual act into a prayerful act. Create a learning and rejoicing family. Learn to be a good finder and not a fault-finder. Present your point of view and not impose your point of view. Focus on togetherness and not differences. Let a difference be a learning point and not a fighting point. Let us rise above differences than be victims of differences"

Power of silence

Found this nice article called 'Silent Power' in TOI yesterday.. Pretty interesting and definitely worth a read.

Link to the article

It talks about silence as a means of communication and how effective it is... sometimes much more than words, and also it's importance in relationships. Silence referred to here, is not just absence of sound, but a state within you where you are at peace with yourself - the stillness of mind. It is something that gives you that inner power, removes tensions and helps you cope better with relationships on all levels....

"From silence, our true powers emerge - the powers to withdraw, to accommodate, to face the truth, to discriminate right from wrong, to tolerate and to co-operate..."
"Silence is your connection to your soul. This is where true power resides. You begin to see life with clarity"

All these are for sure inspiring and thought provoking and am sure pretty effective if put in practise... but we all know, it is easier said than done...you can just keep at it, and keep trying hoping u can be there someday!

Life...and choices..

"It took me a long time and most of the world to learn what I know about love and fate and the choices we make, but the heart of it came to me in an instant, while i was chained to a wall and being tortured. I realized, somehow, through the screaming in my mind, that even in that shackled, bloody helplessness, i was still free: free to hate the men who were torturing me, or to forgive them. It doesnt sound like much, i know. But in the flinch and bite of the chain, when it's all you've got, that freedom is a universe of possibility. And the choice you make, between hating and forgiving, can become the story of your life"

This is the opening paragraph of the book "Shantaram" by Gregory David Roberts. Started reading this a few weeks back and still continuing to, and god knows when I'll finish this 1000pgd book.. These lines above really made an impact on me the moment I read it.. somehow... not sure why, maybe the state of mind I was in when I picked up the book or whatever, but it seemed to make a lot of sense to me suddenly, and it still does, everytime I read it.

The author seems to have put a gist of his whole life in these few lines..It's so true... Life is all about choices. If you look at it very subtly, every situation is a choice. You can choose how you react to situations. .. You can choose how people will affect your mood... you choose to be in a good or a bad mood... So it's your choice, how you live your life...

All of us are going with the movement of life...no matter what we do, we are on the roller coaster ride. We have a choice to either embrace it and enjoy the ride or fight it and scream all the way...It's upto us. We are what we choose to be... no one to blame or give credit for.

So the bottom line is... everyday we have the choice to live life fully... Attitude, after all, is everything! Well.. that's what I felt after reading this :) Opinions differ!

Reflection

There's this famous Assyrian adage - "Tell me your friends and I'll tell you who you are", which am sure all of us would have heard. I never really paid so much attention to this. Ever wondered how true these words could be! So, why am I talking about this now? I was just reading through some articles on the Dvaitha and Advaitha philosophies and about 'Conscious Relationships' in one of TOI's Sunday edition of April. (unfortunately I've lost the link to the article) .This was kind of talking about the quote that I mentioned above. It really got me thinking deep and suddenly made a lot of sense to me...

According to Advaita philosophy, the inner and outer worlds are the same 'coz the latter is the reflection of the former. So, whatever we see outside, is really a perception of ourselves, what we are inside. The article put this in an even more meaningful way, by relating it to the different kinds of relationships that we form during our lifetime. Consciously or unconsciously, its so true that we always end up making friends with people who kind of reflect our own personality (what you might call as like-mindedness). We are just trying to see another part of ourselves through our friends. That's why probably we can't "click" with everyone around. This holds true not only for friendships but also relationships. So, if you have an inferiority complex, a lack of love for your own self, then you will probably end up attracting similar kind of partners, where you will end up feeling 'not loved'. You might be just settling for someone who is not empathetic towards your feelings or needs. Most of the times this happens unconsciously, which is reflected back to us by the outer world. Try digging into your past, analyzing why your previous relationships have failed and you will start finding a pattern.... It's a kind of introspection, where you get to understand your inner self..

Here are a few excerpts from that article, that I had saved while I was reading it...

"To continually subject yourself to neglect, abuse, apathy or conflict is not being loving to yourself. If you are not loving to yourself, how can you expect anyone else to be? "

"They are reflected back because "like attracts like" and this is the nature of energy. Until you become aware of what is happening, you will keep repeating the cycle. The outer world is not really outer, it is a projection of what is within you. The inner and the outer are one. Therefore, when you continually draw to yourself a certain type of relationship, when you notice a pattern in your life's behaviour and when you repeatedly find yourself dealing with the same issues, you will know that the "trouble" lies within you...and not with the other person"

"To be aware that the person you see in front of you is actually a part of yourself, and to treat them accordingly, means to have the courage to be honest with yourself. It means you can no longer act from defensiveness. It means you can no longer try and control others........"

Hmmm... really intriguing part. Especially the first 2 lines... so true! Unless we really start loving ourselves, how can we expect to be surrounded by people who can love us?? It's as simple as it can get! One of the reasons for a lot of failed relationships I guess! So according to this, is it really possible to have a 'conscious relationship'? I mean, getting aware of our own self so that we attract similar kind of people. Is it really possible to break our patterns and change our inborn character...I wonder! Am sure it's possible.. .but how easy would it be is the question.

Coming back to the adage, looks like it really makes sense.. It's quite possible to look at the kind of people one is surrounded with or the kind of relationships a person is into... to get a picture of one's self!

Letting go...

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short.

-- author unknown

Resistance to change..

At this eerie hour of the night, bored with case studies and strategies, decisions and optimizations, I just let my mind ponder over a few thoughts - thoughts which are always at the back of my mind and never seem to come out due to immense pressure and stress out here......I just wondered how people always tend to live in their past or worry about their future and just forget about "Present". The mind always seeks to deny the "Present" and to escape from it. There is always some form of a non-acceptance and unconscious resistance to what is happening at present - about things which have changed significantly compared to our past..I feel that a lot of pain which we create for ourselves is unnecessary - by oscillating between past and future - trying to change what has already occured or trying to get a hold on things which have not yet happened!! It is so necessary to associate ourselves with what is happening in life at present and stop letting the mind wander.. I came across these few lines in one of the articles of a newspaper recently..

Why does the mind habitually deny or resist the Now? Because it cannot function and remain in control without time, which is past and future, so it perceives the timeless Now as threatening. Time and mind are in fact inseparable.

Say "yes" to life and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you

This is so true...

It is very essential to make our "Present" the primary focus of our lives and am sure this does take a lot of effort. But this doesnt mean we forget our past and stop thinking about future. Paying brief visits to past and future helps in dealing with some practicalities of present.

Many a times we fail to realize that life is all about "Living in the moment" :-)

Happiness....

I came across an article in Times of India recently which spoke about "Liking yourself" as the first step to happiness. I gave it more thought and it really made sense to me....

You need to like yourself and try to achieve happiness from within. People can add to this but no one can initiate that feeling but you. I cannot remember telling myself even once that "I will be happy (period)". I guess happiness to us has always been conditional. It's very common of people to say things like "I will be happy,....IF i find my dream job", "I will be happy....IF i find that someone special" etc.. Why should it be based on something happening? Why cant we just be happy without waiting for things to happen? Am still pondering over these questions!!

The key to liking ourselves lies in embracing our good points and dividing our bad points into two groups - ones which we can change and the others which we cannot. For instance, If I am 5 feet tall and I don't like it, there's not much I can do about it. No miracle can probably change this. There are lots of things beyond our control. We need to just learn to accept things as they are and live with them. So I guess the best way to do this is to just change our perspective about such things and look at them from a different angle, see the positive side of it. When you start looking at things you dont like...changing what you can and accepting what you cannot - that is when miracles occur!! (ah..this really sounds so true. I should definitely try and imbibe this outlook)

"...Having yourself as a best friend has advantages. You cannot lie to yourself. You can be kind to yourself. You will not be lonely because in balance, you will not mind times when you are on your own..

"Disclaimer: Some excerpts are quoted from the article and rest of the views expressed are my own